For those of you who are either in a relationship or were born in the wrong decade, “ghosting” may be a new term for you, but it’s very relevant for anyone dating in the social media and online matching game today. “Ghosting” simply means that a person has ended a relationship by halting any and all communications with the other person. This could mean that they stop responding to texts, messages and even emails and phone calls. This often happens with no warning and with no explanation of why the person has chosen to ghost you.
The good news is that the reasons have more to do with the other person than they do you. If you find this has happening more than once to you, it’s time to figure out why. Here are the top 5 reasons that someone may decide to ghost you:
1. They Want to Avoid Confrontation
Not surprisingly, most members of the human race really hate confrontation. It means there is a disagreement or that two parties just don’t see eye to eye, and that can be uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. If a person has decided they aren’t a good fit with you, have found a better fit with someone else, or just don’t want to continue a relationship with you, they may ghost you to avoid confronting you. Don’t take it personally and move on. You don’t want someone who won’t go through the tough stuff with you anyway.
2. They Have a Fear of Intimacy
This is a super-touchy subject, because why would someone be dating if they have a fear of intimacy? Not physical intimacy, mind you, but emotional intimacy. Anyone can be physically intimate with another person at least for the short term, and that’s why you want to put it off until you know there’s an emotional connection. Emotional intimacy means they must open themselves up to be vulnerable with you. Not everyone is equipped to handle that, and so they only go so far with a relationship before they decide to disappear before it gets real.
3. They Are a Narcissist
Narcissists are prevalent in the dating world, and if they typically have no problem getting the dates they want, it can get worse over time. Traditionally, narcissists have no empathy for others’ feelings, so they have a basic lack of consideration for others. This includes you. If you managed to pick one of these personalities, you’re also bound to witness the lack of empathy in how they treat others and talk about them before they ghost you. Long story short, just head for the hills if you suspect the person you’re talking to has narcissistic tendencies.
4. They Fear a Violent Reaction
Some people are afraid to tell you they want out of a relationship for fear of getting the brunt of a violent reaction. If you’ve displayed any type of violent tendencies, they may be right in this assumption. Or, it may just be that they’ve experienced such reactions from others they have cut off toxic relationships with. Whatever the reason, just make sure you aren’t the cause of the concern so you don’t give future partners further reason to ghost you.
5. You Became Too Attached Too Quickly
Ah, the crux of the dating world: we all want to find a relationship, but sometimes fail to take our time at establishing a good foundation and go with our hearts rather than our heads. It’s quite easy to appear desperate and too eager if you’ve been single for very long or happen to finally find the perfect match for you.
Even if they’re looking for a long-term relationship and feel the same way about you, there’s no need to rush into things. Take a breath, and enjoy the courtship. Don’t seem too overpowering and don’t immediately latch on and look desperate for attention. If you want to spend every living moment with this person, stop acting like you don’t have other things to take up your time. This also applies when you're in a long-distance relationship where badgering your partner with non-stop calls and texts is also a form of over-attachment which can repel a person.
Moral of the story is to slow down and take your time when dating to avoid ghosting. There will still be some insecure jerks out there who will do it regardless, but you’ll know it isn’t by any fault of your own if you do the work in really getting to know someone without rushing into things.
