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How to Get out of a Toxic Relationship and Learn Self-Love

Posted on by Ben Hartwig in DatingSeptember 12, 2018
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Making any change takes effort and may cause emotional discomfort. To change or end a relationship, you must recognize that it may be very difficult at times to maintain your distance from the person or people who are holding you back.

Types of Toxic Relationships

Anyone in your life can be potentially toxic to you: your parents, siblings, romantic partner, coworker, friend, teacher, or roommate. If interacting with a person  leaves you exhausted, depressed, and feeling like you haven’t done enough to please him or her, you may want to step back and analyze what’s going on. You may seek professional help or talk to other friends to figure out what’s going on. Once you’ve identified the type of toxic behavior you’re dealing with, you can arm yourself with techniques for dealing with it – including walking away.

An abusive relationship can take many forms: verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, codependency, or a combination of all of these. Romantic relationships or those with a family member that threaten your mental health and well-being are considered unhealthy relationships.

Warning Signs of Toxic People

A person who is unable to have a healthy relationship isn’t always at fault for their behavior; that person may simply be re-enacting behavior learned from their parents or past relationships. As long as the person is unaware of the damage, their behavior does, or is unable to make changes, repair relationships, and pursue a healthy co-equal relationship. And even if they are made aware of the issues, they may not choose to make an effort to change.

how to leave a toxic relationship

What Makes a Person Toxic: Common Techniques?

  •  Ghosting: When you seek a person’s help, comfort, commitment, or other participation in a conversation, situation, or relationship but they refuse to respond to the request or empathize with your needs, that is ghosting. Narcissistic people often love attention on them, so they are not able to be there for you when you need something.
  • Gaslighting: this is a technique that, over time, makes you doubt your own experiences and knowledge, undermining your self-esteem and making you more reliant on the dominant partner. Gaslighting is a big red flag in a relationship.
  • Manipulation: this is a loved one who turns every conversation around to deflect blame or responsibility and make you do their bidding;
  • Drama: some people are addicted to the emotional rush they get from creating drama and picking fights, which creates damaging cycles of make-up and breakup.
  •  Passive aggressive: this tactic challenges you in every conversation, indirectly criticizing you and making your toxic partner appear to be a victim of your every comment or request.
  • Isolating: by criticizing you, your friends, and family, a toxic person may isolate you from all others who offer support and therefore make you completely dependent on them (and unable to compare your relationship with healthy, happy relationships);
  • Abusive: This sort of mistreatment can be physical or psychological, belittling you, making you feel unworthy or useless – and ultimately dependent on the abuser for any shred of self-esteem.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship: How to Get Out?

It takes a lot of resolve to break off a toxic relationship. Breaking up doesn’t mean you’ll never see that person again; it just means you are ending the toxic aspect of the relationship by learning to respect and love yourself. Getting emotional support from a support group or a caring friend to reinforce your self-worth is key to following through on your decision to end the damaging behavior. Relationship experts warn that if you experience any physical abuse, you should take out a restraining order to keep the person away from you.

How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship

Involve your family and support system and ask for help. Consult professionals who will guide you towards getting out of a toxic relationship, safety, and staying out.

How to Learn Self-Love After a Toxic Relationship?

After a toxic relationship, the healing process may take time. You must let go and focus on self-care. Using a strong support system, you can learn to develop new, healthy relationship patterns and a strong sense of self that you can take into a new relationship.

  • Take a few moments at the beginning of each day to mentally review and reinforce your resolve to make a fresh start.
  • If you must see the toxic person, you are breaking away from, make a plan, which may include a list of topics you will not discuss with that person or behaviors you will no longer share (such as drinking alcohol or having a physical relationship). Lean on your support network before and after a visit with the toxic person.
  • Take a few moments during the day to consider the energy, time, and happiness you enjoy without this person dragging you down.
  • When you achieve a goal, spend a few moments enjoying the feeling of accomplishment untarnished by the criticism that a toxic person would heap on you to diminish your joy.
  • Put yourself first: prioritize your needs and desires without feeling guilty, which includes spending as much time as necessary away from and not communicating with the person who you chose to leave. Remember, loving someone else starts with loving you.
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